In one of her diaries Reborn Journals & Notebook 1947-1963, Susan Sontag wrote, "In marriage, every desire becomes a decision..."
This quote particularly haunted me as I watched the clients in the new season of Indian Matchmaking describing their bucket lists for their future spouses. As the previous two seasons, this one is also a "fairy tale" of Sima Taparia, her love for compromise, her exceedingly poor record, the Uber-rich second-generation Indians living in the US & UK (read ABCD: Abroad Born Confused Desi), and their pro-level hypocrisy.
It's an undeniable fact that desi parents are obsessed with finding a "suitable partner" for their children. However, despite their fixation, love somehow broke the generational shackles and found its way into the age-old tradition of Indian arranged marriages. And yet, it didn't travel enough to be the leading star in a reality show about finding the "one".
Despite Taparia or as she is fondly known Sima Aunty's inability to hardly match anyone through two seasons, Indian Matchmaking 3, which premiered on April 21, has managed to spread its roots to the UK. Sima Aunty travels to London with a bag full of Indian snacks and advises about lowering the expectations and adjusting. "You can only get 60-70% of what you want". Okay Aunty, if you insist! But if you had a chance to watch Sima Aunty in A Suitable Girl (a realistic documentary about Indian arranged marriages), you'd know she preaches what she follows. Seriously though!
This season introduces Priya from the UK who wants a "tall, tanned guy with a top knot" but is instead advised by Sima Aunty to not be picky since she's in a "disadvantaged position due to her divorced status." Then there's "mathematics boiii, always friend zoned" yet the warmest teacher ever, Bobby, who radiates happiness across the screen, and the gorgeous Arti from Miami who oozes out panache and calls the weekly visits to Costco her hobby. There's Rushali, a breath of fresh air, who returned from Season 1 to send Sima Aunty to a coma with her expectation to continue staying with her parents even after marriage. Aunty thought Rushali needed counseling for having such expectations. Hmmm...
And then there's the standout villain of the show: the ER doctor, or as he likes to refer himself, "Vivacious Vikash". Vikash is a second-generation Brahmin guy who allows his solo frenzy dance videos to be aired on the show, courtesy of God Complex aka narcissism. Vikash is on the lookout for a partner which can only be generated by AI or maybe we aren't that developed yet. He wants a "tall, Brahmin" girl from America who speaks Hindi as Vikash LOVES Indian culture and yet rejects an Indian girl for her "Indian" accent. Well, okay then! Vikash's hypocrisy irated even Sima Aunty who, if you ask me, is a staunch flag bearer of classism & endogamy. After his demand of preferring a Brahmin girl, she calls him out in a typical Taparia way and says, "He doesn’t know anything about Brahmins nor is he practicing. Then why does he want a Brahmin girl?" Well, that's a legit question!
A wise Chetan Bhagat once said, "Love marriages around the world are simple: Boy loves girl. Girl loves boy. They get married. In India, there are a few more steps: Boy loves Girl. Girl loves Boy. Girl's family has to love boy. Boy's family has to love girl. Girl's Family has to love Boy's Family. Boy's family has to love girl's family. Girl and Boy still love each other. They get married."
Now add the complexities of Indian arranged marriages to this and the equation will be complicated enough to baffle even a renowned mathematician.
In India, the "holy" matrimony is not just a union of two souls. No, it has never been that simple. It is a hardcore closeted attempt to protect and preserve the family's casteist and classist legacy and make sure no outsider invades the phony sanctimony. Remember when Tara Khanna from Made in Heaven was reminded of her "Jaat" and was looked down on as an invader who dared make a space for her in the Upper-Class South Delhi family? While Made in Heaven challenged these "norms", Indian Matchmaking carries this prejudice and, if anything, re-strengthens it!
Indian Matchmaking really, desperately tries to come across as a progressive show that believes the magical wand of an old-fashioned matchmaker can do the tricks that the modern-day dating apps can't and falls flat on the face. Real hard. It introduces us to the concept of biodata which specify the clients' life in a resumé like format and tells us about their love for dogs & tacos.
The clients use fancy words like "good upbringing and good family" to sugarcoat the fact that they need someone who's as filthy rich as them. They go on tailored Hollywood romcom-inspired dates like studio painting, wine tasting & dance classes. The matchmaker uses astrologers and faces readers who decide the fate of clients sitting oceans away just by looking at their photos. And if all of this is not enough, the show also uses the testimony of various couples where one of the clueless Indian uncles even claims "wherever there is arranged marriage, it's good." Time to burst that privileged balloon, uncle!
Though my personal favourite is how the show tries to hide, in vain, their casteist approach under the flimsy veil of "same community".
When Arti from Miami tells Sima Aunty that she has met Jamal — a Pakistani Muslim guy, the pretty apprehensive aunty reminds Arti how her father would have wanted her to marry a Sindhi. Interestingly, Arti, who got agitated by Taparia's ancient style of matchmaking and refused to bow down or compromise, was the ONLY ONE in this season to get engaged to the man of her dreams (literally). And she did it WITHOUT Sima Aunty's help. A real winner, if you ask me!
The show shamelessly calls itself "Indian" Matchmaking" and very conveniently forgets that a large population of India is NOT ONLY Upper-Class Hindus sipping tea in their fine chinas. In fact, it's more people like the mathematics teacher Bobby who was not a fine dining regular, is silly, honest, funny, and was ridiculed and forgotten after the first date with Priya.
It's people like you & me who still go to Costa on their first dates, people belonging to the LGBTQA+ community, people who identify as Dalits and Muslims, and people who are probably less confused than Vivacious Vishakh. Only then will this show be actually "Indian" matchmaking. Till then, it's a frat party of a bunch of annoying classists, casteists, cisgender, and heterosexuals where anyone and everyone will be roasted by the goddess of "adjustment" — Sima Aunty.